its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
