ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
