and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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