6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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