Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Semen is not good for contacts.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
