i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
