I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
