dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
