How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
