but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
