We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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