just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
