gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
