We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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