wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I have feelings that need drinking.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
