you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
