apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So much Jack, so little girl.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
