i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
