The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
