Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
