I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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