I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
where am i from again
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
