tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
