we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
