honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
