alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
