you would pick up someone in the library
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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