have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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