Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
