How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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