It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There r osticjed everywhere
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
