Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
