The maid of honor just puked.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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