You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
