vagina is talking i cant
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
