Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
