A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
