Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
