i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
