I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
