My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
