I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
