So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
