The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
