How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
