Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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