I want to have your abortion
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
