Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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