I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
