Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
