I can't breathe out the right side of my face
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
