Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Let's get the cat blown out
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
