i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
