Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
