if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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