She said her name was "party"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
